I love to blog.I like sharing my thoughts,feelings and  uh-oh– the dreaded opinions.I like getting feedback on what I write whether it agrees with me or not.I enjoy reading other people’s stories and their thoughts too.(Im nosy..cant help it…most of you are too…dont front..lol…if not you wouldt give a flying fig about asking people for their passwords or to gain enty into protected posts,lol).I get to meet other sisters from all over the world,sisters that,otherwise,I would never have known. You learn about yourself and you learn from others.

But the thing about blogging is that it has its sour side. A bitter side. A side that just plain sucks.First,you really dont know the person you’re interacting with, for all you know that “sister” is really a brother! LOL! You meet fake,phoney people who have weird,silly and simply– bad agendas.They exploit the kindness they get from another blogger and use them in some kind of way.If you share you’re life or intimate details  be warey of who has that information,because there are many out there that try to exploit your life and   humiliate you online. Then,there’s my favorite part. The blogger that reads you, and only knows  smidgets of your life and all of sudden they become an expert on….YOU! They know more about you,than….YOU! LOL! They think that because you told a story about something you went through or experienced that they have you all figured out. Ah yes,they know you real good,lol. Fortunately,these are just the kind of people you NEVER want to meet in person and gladly, the chances of ever meeting them are as close to getting hit by lightning…on a monday morning….when its not raining out…lol.

Alhamdulillah,ive come across some beautiful sisters.Pleasant,HONEST,geniunely nice sisters.Can we say an Alhamdulillah to that? lol….

If you’re a sister blogging,you also have the very creepy “brothers” who try to get to know you or try to become a little too chummy…some then become stalkers and become obsessed with you and your blog.Not good.Not good at all.

So what to do?

I say, just share private information with those that you feel you can really trust…dont give up to much info to people you dont know! Even with private blogs and protected posts there’s no real sure way to avoid allowing a fat mouthed,loose tongued person into your personal life.

So bloggers beware!

Let me rephrase: Some born muslims.

Ive had my bad expereinces when I became muslim and one of them was with those that called themselves “born muslms”. I think its wonderful that someone was raised with the words of Allah in their home and with parents that taught them la illaha illah Allah……Alhamdulillah!!!

But some of these muslim children grow up and  believe they are special” because of it,compared to those that revert.Ive noticed that many of them have bigger issues than those that convert to islam! Some of them go way off the path and do things that have nothing to do with their deen….then they come back and all of a sudden they’re hot stuff.They are the epitome of piety and excellence.Ugh…Makes me sick. ..Then you have those that may have not strayed from islam but have these self-righteous attitudes about anything islam.Like nextel,they think they have a direct connect to Allah Himself. Yikes! They sit on thier high horse and ridicule those converts who are learning and grasping the methodology of islam.If you ever mention something you did in jahiliyah(by accident or even  purposely) they’re faces contort in disgust like they dont have some skeletons in their closet…..

They know more than ANY convert,because of course they were born and raised in islam! (sarcasm) Whats sadder is the fact that some converts will actually BELIEVE that that really is the case! From my observations,unless they were really dedicated to being muslim and taking it seriously,not just donning a hijab or a niqab to appear righteuous and please their family members,some of them know SQUAT about islam. Alot of them are beginning to learn themselves after years of going through the motions because it was like second nature to wear hijab or pray.There was no faith in the heart it was just something that they were told to do. Sad,but true.

Does it really matter if you’re muslim for 29 years or 2 years???

Victoria’s Secret is having their semi-anual sale and ive just racked up on some things that I needed..wanted…whatever.They have soo much stuff 50-75% off.I am a full blooded girly-girl and I Loooove to shop.Its been a while since ive had the chance to buy some decent undergarments and ive taken FULL advantage of this sale so far….I plan on going back soon again to get some more things that I need….want.I went with my son yesterday–boy,was that a mistake! He was screaming and whining and acting up. I did a brief look around, snagged a couple things and paid.I did not get a chance to really dig in there and look.Nothing like some sales (or clearance) to get me going.(I told you I like to shop).Anything with a red ticket–and we’re in business! lol.

Ive gotten undergarments from Target,they have cute stuff but it just doesnt last as long…so id rather spend a littl more and get something that’ll last.In this case i didnt have to spend too much more –VS is having their sale.I do buy alot of things from Target…they ALWAYS have sales there and as far as clohes go the quality isnt as bad, as say, Walmart.

(Coming soon to a Payless near you…lol)

Back in the day,if you said you got your shoes from Payless, you were looked at funny.Payless was synonymous with poor quality,cheap shoes.They’ve stepped it up a bit now and they’re shoes arent that bad.I actually like alot of their stuff! I have these shoes that I bought there like 4 years ago,I still have them and they are in reallly good condition.They’re super comfy and all the stitching has held up.Good shoe in my book! Then I have these Coach shoes that I bought maybe a year or so ago and I dont wear them because they’re uncomfortable.Maybe its that particular shoe…..

 

Funny/sick story: I love dollar stores.(who doesnt?) They sell everything nowadays there …they even sell food! The hubster and I used to go to this one dollar store alot from around the way, because they used to sell 4 packs of full throttles for a dollar!! We would snag like 3 or 4 packs and keep them in the stash for those lack luster days.(For those who may not know,Full Throttle is an energy drink….we like energy drinks, lol) Anywho…Mr.Muslim used to buy the king-sized chocolate bars from there too,so one time he brought one one of those bad boys, opened it up, and was about to sink his teeth into it,when he noticed movement on the said chocolate bar….on closer inspection he saw a maggot burrowing in the chocolate! (you can take a moment now to gag)….I noticed a look of disgust on his face and asked him whatsup..he says nothing…he comes over to me chocolate in hand and shows me……….needless to say we no longer buy ANY kind of edible anything from dollar stores! Yuck!

I wont compromise with my handbags anymore though.Id rather pay more for a good sturdy bag than have a whole bunch of cheap 13.99 bags from joyce leslie,lol. I really like Coach and thats what i buy now.I used to have a whole bunch of  cheap bags but they would never last,the pleather would rip or the strap would break…I like Louis and Gucci too…but I dont have Loius or Gucci money right now…lol…Coach is good enough for me.

But it depends.Sometimes I buy from “cheap” spots and sometimes I gotta have the thing that cost a little more–I feel more secure that it’ll work or last longer.Although,I must point out, that price many times has nothing to do with quality.You can spend big bucks on something and it crap out on you in a couple months,and then on the flip side,there are those things you didnt spend much on but they last for yeeears.So which one do you prefer,quality or quantity?

 

Yet another disclaimer…why? …because if i dont someone is bound to say that this post or things written in it are pertaining to them….so just fyi nothing here is directed to anyone specifically!

Lets say you see someone doing something that is against the deen or doing something wrong,is it our job to correct that person or give them advice?

Some muslims are very against anyone saying anything to them because they dont feel anyone should be correcting them or becasue they just dont want to be reminded.

Do we enjoin the good and forbid the “evil” or just mind our own business because we dont want anyone calling us “holier than thou” or  “the haraam police”.

Most of the time,I dont mind if I get advice, just as long as the person giving me the advice uses their HEAd.By that I mean that they dont attack me,insult me,belittle me try to come off like they know SOO much about islam and I dont know a thing, are accusatory etc.When or if you do give advice, you have to keep in mind that there is a way to give advice.You have to be gentle and humble not arrogant and prideful!Also keep in mind, that after you’ve given your advice:MOVE ON! Stop harrassing and going on and on with your admonishment. If they accept it they accept it, if they dont ,they dont. Say masha’allah and keep it MOVIN”!

I just hate that with the naseehah-giving, comes more and more scrutiny on any and all topics discussed thereafter.All of a sudden the person that gave you the advice feels it their “job” to keep their eye on you and correct you about EVERYTHING. Although this “good- doer” is not a scholar, a student of knowledge or never really studied islam in depth, they suddenly become more than qualified to give their “advice” because they’ve read a couple of books from the islamic bookstore down the street from them. Tru story peoples,my H knew someone like this….

Do we bite our tongues and not say anything if we see something wrong being done or do we give the advice anyway and hope it will be taken well?  Does it offend you if/ when you’ve gotten  advice from someone,about the deen? Should it? Does the reminder really benefit the believer …if they dont want to be reminded???

 

 

 

The Hadd is a measure of punishment defined by the Qur’an and the Sunnah.Punishments by way of Hadd are of the following forms: death by stoning, amputation of a limb or limbs, flogging by one hundred or eighty strokes. They are prescribed  for the following offences,such as: adultery committed by married persons, theft, highway robbery, drunkenness and slander imputing unchastity to women.

For example,Islam prescribes that a thief’s hand should be cut, but such punishment is never inflicted(or at the least not supposed to) when there is the slightest doubt that the thief was motivated to crime by hunger. It can only be applied if goods stolen are over a set value and consideration is given to whether this is a first offence or the person is a compulsive thief.

         Muslim, Book 17, Number 4178:

‘A’isha reported: I heard Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: The hand (of a thief) should not be cut off but for a quarter of a dinar and what is above that’

Muslim, Book 17,number 4190:

‘Jaibir reported that a woman from the tribe of Makhzum committed theft. She was brought to Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him) and she sought refuge (intercession) from Umm Salama, the wife of Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him). Thereupon Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him) said: By Allah, even if she were Fatima, I would have her hand cut off. And thus her hand was cut off.’

Also,Islam prescribes that both adulterer and adulteress should be stoned but it does not(again,is not supposed to) inflict such punishment unless they are married persons and upon the reliable AND thorough evidences of 4 witnesses who saw everything with complete clarity.

Muslim, Book 17, Number 4194:

‘Abdullah b. ‘Abbas reported that ‘Umar b. Khattab sat on the pulpit of Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) and said: Verily Allah sent Muhammad (may peace be upon him) with truth and He sent down the Book upon him, and the verse of stoning was included in what was sent down to him. We recited it, retained it in our memory and understood it. Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) awarded the punishment of stoning to death (to the married adulterer and adulteress) and, after him, we also awarded the punishment of stoning, I am afraid that with the lapse of time, the people (may forget it) and may say: We do not find the punishment of stoning in the Book of Allah, and thus go astray by abandoning this duty prescribed by Allah. Stoning is a duty laid down in Allah’s Book for married men and women who commit adultery when proof is established, or if there is pregnancy, or a confession.’

In todays time such punishments are viewed as barbaric,inhumane and gruesome by non-muslims and muslims alike. They are in fact harsh for the purpose of deterring people from committing sins and injustice towards one another. The fear is,like many things with islam or religion period,is that things are not done according to how they are supposed to with KNOWLEDGE.Therefore being abused by those with hidden or political motives or for their own personal agendas. Many times in these muslim countries the scales of justice are grossly off and lean more to the side of punishing  prematurely, many times than not, women.

You hear stories of muslimahs being lashed or stoned to death for supposedly committing zina or having an affair,but the “proof” of such acts have so many holes you could drive a bus through it.Where are the witnesses,where are the absolute facts? These are some of the repercussions of having authority figures who are not knowledgable or misguided by their own feelings.

Would throwing the “agressors” and the law breakers in a jail cell curb their desires to  commit crimes? or does that in fact make them worse and give then a feeling of invincibility? Here in the u.s. it doesnt seem that this system works too well to extinguish peoples desires to commit crimes.Do prisons help or do they make pitbulls out of chihuahauas?

Does the islamic criminal justice system work as effectively as is supposed to? Obviously I would not know whether it does or not, becuase I dont live in a muslim country.I do know that many times those things that are forbidden in said muslim countries, are then done underground,therefore giving the appearance that things are better than what they may be.

Overall though I think that the possiblity of having your hand cut off or being flogged in public does greatly deter crimes.

 

 

 

Im brushing my teeth this morning,and looking in the mirror as I am (doesnt everyone?)when I spot it. I put down the toothbrush and move closer into the mirror and there it was–the gray hair.

I was so surprised to see it.I couldnt stop looking at it,thinking about it. Im only 24..ill be 25 in a couple months…but like I said,im only 24?! Do young people get gray hairs? I almost didnt see it…I wonder how long it was there….do I pluck this bad boy out or just live with the gray hair,(or is it white?) I still havent figured out which one it is…does it make a diffrence? If I pluck it,I can only imagine a hundred more coming in to takes its place and taunt me.Not too brag but ive always been the pretty young– looking one….now ill be the pretty one with gray hair.  

Will this gray (or white) hair take on a life of its own?! Will I have a full head of gray curls by the time im…30?! Im hoping this is just a freak,rebellious gray hair that had no business coming out,but did so anyway.

Maybe ill start early and get into anti-aging products…eye serums,wrinkle reducers,tightening creams for my face(which I already use anyway)….I use to work with this lady that had a full head of gray hair and she didnt look that old or bad at all.She may have been  in her early 40’s….

 I thought I had at least another 10 years before I had to worry about the gray hairs sprouting…I guess not….i must be destined for early aging…. 

But why is this happening so soon to me?!?! Why??!!    

Oh,the drama….

Metamucil,sensodyne and…dare I say..Depends! are they in my not so distant future? Should I stock up on these just in case….I mean I already have a gray hair at 24,now that I think of it,my memory’s been giving me a problem lately too(refer to post before last)….im seeing a pattern….. 

Please,no more little miss…it sounds young…refer to me as senora muslimah……pretty soon im sure to here the young ones  call me ma’am and offer me senior discounts…ill complain about all the noise kids nowadays make with their loud music and such… and talk about how good everything was “back then”……..

                                                        

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We make such a big deal on getting older and trying to prevent it(even though  we cant) and their are thousands,maybe millions,of products out there that are supposed to “hold back the hands of time”…we are so obsessed on looking youthful and using anything we can to do that, but is there anything wrong in trying to take care of and manage your body as best you can? There isnt,in my opinion. Others do nothing and just embrace it,which isnt a bad thing. Some people go really far with no bounds to do whatever they can to stay looking young,i wouldnt go that far,but I try to maintain and care of what I have.Im aware that certain things are out of my control and when the time comes ill have to accept it. Im hoping I age gracefully…………and for no more gray hairs

When I first started to learn and implement islam, I fell in love with it,head over heels.I was so dedicated to being the best muslimah that I could be. I remember reading many books,taking notes on them and trying to memorize what I had learned.Praying every prayer on time,everytime. I miss going to the masjid with my husband and making salaat there,although most of the time it was only us two and maybe a couple others, it felt so peaceful and special to make it there.There were the lectures on Cd that we had in the car…my eeman was always pretty constant.Eeman increases and decreases, so of course there were dips in my faith,but I never felt like I do now.

Was it convertitis? When something is new to us and fresh, we go all out in dedication to it? Like a new relationship or marriage,where in the beginning things are good and everything seems rosy? But in time as you learn more about each other,those intense feelings may dissipate,not go away completely, but change.A sister told me once that love dont stay the same.Love in the beginning of a marriage is not the same love 10,20 years down the line.It grows and changes.

It started last ramadan for me.When my eeman took a really big dip and since then I havent recovered.We were in the middle of ramamdan and I remember I was trying to learn Qur’an.It was when my husband lost his job,that it started going downhill.At first I was trying to be so patient….encouraging H and trying to keep him from feeling down about everything.He was the breadwinner ;the only one working.With no job,we had to leave our place. It took a very long time for him to find a job.And during that whole time;during that time that Allah was testing us,I got impatient, lost faith I didnt continue to try. I’ve let it get so low that now I dont even know what to do to get myself out of this…what should I call it….hole?….rut?….

Ive become too lax.I hate it.I wish I could have the old me back. I really havent a clue on what to do to get myself on track.This feeling–its a terrible feeling.I need a push in the right direction,a lift…a little oomph……

* Earlier this week in NY we had a heatwave that lasted about 4-5 days..it was so hot my computer  was shuting off on me.Anyway,a few days ago,I tried turning on my computer and it wouldnt come on at all! I thought the heat wave had zappped the pc……But get this: I had forgotten that I had disconnected it during the heat to see if it would recharge or someting and left it disconnected ,forgot about it and when I try to turn it back on the next day I was frustrated that it wasnt coming on!…LOL….Now,thats bad!!…..At least I gave myself a mini break from blogging-which I was planning to do anyway…lol…  

*Boy,can I hold a grudge! Masha’allah…

* Guess who got her way with the t.v. thing? yup,yup that would be me..lol…he raised the white flag yesterday   …..masha’allah,he is always compromising for me…what a man what a man what a mighty good man…..lol

*My son is absolutely the most beautiful baby in the world…..

*My son is 16 months old,at what age do I start potty training him?

* Sometimes I run into a really good blog and dont take the time to write it down :(  Im also looking to explore other blogs out there,I get bored with some of the blogs(that only update once every other month)(no offense guys,lol)….anyone know a really interesting blog that I can read? Please dont refer me to your blogroll,im not going to go down the long list of people on there…dont be lazy…lol…. just leave a url…

*Who’s job is it to clean up those dead animals squashed on the streets or highways??? That has to be the MOST disgusting job…ugghh…just the other day driving on the highway I had the pleasure(sarcasm,people) to witness a tractor trailer squash the daylights(I almost wrote*living* daylights,lol) out of some kind of animal…guts and blood squirted everywhere…..yuck…  

*For some reason my ‘music-a jihad’ post was taken as my saying that music is haraam..i didnt say it was….  it may be though…lol…the begining of that post was a joke..aparently it went over the heads…you know jokes,right? like hahahaha,hehehe…like that..lol……..I dont  accept every fatwa or sayings from a shaiykh,especially if this shaykh provides absolutley NO evidences(in other words his opinions or feelings)….its not about picking and choosing,thats not what I do..but ive come across some real brow-raising articles ….this is islam..theres proof to back up just about everything…….

*Ok,so my computer just shut down AGAIN! Why the heck is it overheating so easily and shutting off on me?!?! Its never done this before.Whats going on?! Makes me want to  lol…

* Where is my ‘gubbment’ check? lol…I could use this “stimulus” check to get a new pc……thats if we even get one.Im not counting on it because after all, this is the government that id be counting on….the U.S. gov’t at that…..no one I know has gotten one…there was a blogger that wrote about her getting one…but so far she’s the only one…

* I just want to reiterate…..WHY THE HECK IS MY PC MESSED UP? I wonder how much it’ll cost to get checked out or fixed…this pc is fairly new…  in good condition..or so I thought……im so annoyed with this thing….

So we’re moving to a different apartment in a few months(insha’allah). Unfortunatley ill be in the same town.Im looking forward to this move,but there’s one thing–H is saying he wants no t.v. in the new place.Sigh.Its always something,masha’allah. Everything would go smoothly if I would just agree with this,but I dont. I am adamant about having a television and he isnt.Here we go…..Why cant things go smoothly…why does he make things so hard.or am I the one making it hard…….im trying to convince him that having t.v. isnt that bad–he’s hearing none of it.  

This has turned into a debate that I,every once in a while,bring up and see if his mind will change..maybe he’ll have a change of heart,but of course he doesnt.So far our debates have been calm and very short.He says he doesnt want it in his house and im trying to convince him otherwise. Someone has to fold and im going to take a stab in the dark, and say that itll be expected that,that be me. 

When I first became muslim,we didnt watch t.v. He had convinced me that t.v. was no good and therefore i should give it up. Being in love   will make you do alot of things….Im not saying that giving it up is such a bad thing,just sayin………………..there was this lecture on tape by this shaykh giving the reasons why as muslims we shouldnt watch t.v (thats what ultimately convinced me to stop)……seeing indecent,vulgar things….looking at the opposite sex….waste of time…..etc.I agree these things are on the soapbox,but at the same time I dont think im ready to give it up just yet.He says that he wants our eeeman to grow and he wants us to do better things with our time(btw,he doesnt watch t.v. at all,I do but its not an all day thing for me,there are certain things i like to watch)he also doesnt want our son growing up glued to the t.v. or seeeing things he shouldnt see on there. I agree with him……….but I want my t.v….. Why am I being so stubborn..I mean strong-willed …if its going to benefit me???……… I cant answer that right now,im just stuck on wanting it in the new place. He keeps saying the bad outweighs the good. That phrase is starting to get on my nerves…..

Slowly though,after not having it around I started to get really bored in the house and  would go to my mom’s and watch something over there,since we didnt have one. There was plenty of benefit from not having it.I was studying islam much more,listening to lectures, things like that.But I know me, thats fine and dandy to do beneficial things for a little while, but realistically I cant and dont want to study ALL day.I am not a scholar/shaykh.

I JUST WANT TO TAKE MY T.V. WITH ME,WHATS THE BIG DEAL???

I dont know if ill hold up well without it. Itll probably be good for a little while like before, then ill want it again….that is,if I am the one to concede on this.i dont want to make it into a really big deal…it just annoys the hell out of me.Hopefully ill be preoccupied enough with school and other things, to not notice it gone….again,that is if I give in….lol…..what do you think, will i be able to change his mind on this?………

…………Maybe it wont be that bad……lol

                                                            ……..To Be Continued……

There is this town called Kiryas Joel,about 20-25 minutes away from me( i think), that is completely jewish.Everything jewish.They have their own schools,doctors,ambulances,fire dept,stores,deli’s, everything.On saturdays(sabath)you can see practically the whole town walking around(there are things you cant do on the sabbath,like driving for example,working,etc).Actually from sundown friday to sundown saturday is the sabbath.Why cant muslims have a town like that?

Or is that what hijrah is for? So we can be with” our own kind” ? Would it be wrong to establish a community here that is completely muslim? Not everyone can make hijrah and I gather there are many that dont want to.At the same time,we barely can get along too well from what I see,how the heck can we get together to form an islamic community? Would it be woth it to have  totally muslim towns? I know there would be alot of freaking out by some islamophobes,thinking that muslims are up to no good,now that I think about it,I dont think the government would allow it! Is that too extreme,lol…What do you think?

Can muslims have their own towns? Should we?

Two weeks from now,I was supposed to be on a plane heading to Puerto Rico,for some sun,sand and down time.Instead i’ll be here,bored to tears.Technically,I could’ve gone,but it wouldnt be smart to go on vaca,and not know if I would be able to go to school.If financial aid doesnt come through,I would be kicking myself for spending money that couldve gone towards going to school.So here I am thinking about what my family and I can do this summer for fun–on a budget.

We went to the Bronx Zoo a couple weeks ago,that was nice, and I do plan on going back because I didnt get to go on the camel! I had wanted to so bad and im determined to ride that camel!

Im thinking about looking into hot air balloon rides. It looks sp peaceful and relaxing,not to mention,a little scary.Dont know how well ill hold up, X amount of feet up in the air…..ive always wanted to get on a helicopter too.There are no helicopter rides around here,that I know…when we used to go to kissimee/orlando I always admired them but never got up the nerve to get on one.I think im ready now….motorcylces look like fun too ,Ive always wanted to get on one …..

Summertime is upon us! My favorite season…if it wasnt for the bees…cooped up in the house I dont want to be..especially not with my son,he loves being outside.What do you guys do in the summer? Besides vacations. If you have kids,what activities do they enjoy?

What can a young family do that’s fun but cost effective at the same time? Any suggestions? …..Anyone?

By now,we all have agreed that polygny is sunnah and that Allah allows it,right?….. Okay now we can move on.

No way,and no thank you!

I have learned plenty on some blogs,and just recently,when visiting Safa’s blog(The polygamy survivor,masha’allah, she is so strong)there was a discussion about the legality of polygny in non muslim countries.There was a sister by the name of caminante,that broke down the evidence that says that its not permissible,to practice “P” in the USA or in canada for example.It would be nice to know where she found this evidence,im not sure if she stated where she got it from,or not.Maybe she’ll swing by here and share with us OR maybe one of you know.

I tried looking up and looking for ANY evidence,for or against it,and came up with nothing.Thats where YOU come in…..if you do find anything,please state where it is you got it from…..

I used to tell my H all the time,how I felt that it wasnt legal for us to pracice “P” here in the u.s. and he always said that Allahs laws prevail over man- made laws.Which I do agree with,but we’re not supposed to break the laws of the land we live in(as long as it doesnt infringe on us being able to implement the  basics of our religion;praying,fasting)we have made an agreement with this country to abide by their laws.Polygny is sunnah.Why would any man or women,for that matter,jeopardize their family,not to mention his freedom,to do something from our religion that isnt even obligatory?!?! I think its nuts. “But Allah said we can do this,so it doesnt matter what man says”…So let me get this straight,you’d rather not have a father for your children,nor a husband, because you want to share him, and be blissfully in denial about what could happen,if this “secret” were to get in the wrong hands.I dont get it. As a second wife you are guaranteed nothing,zip,nada,in this country.You’re pretty much like a  floozie,in the eyes of the government.You are not recognized as his wife.

Why would anyone go along for that ride?

Why would you want to live in secret?

How does that work anyway? One wife has health insurance…what does the other one have,if she doesnt work,welfare? How do the kids in all these marriages get coverage and equality as far as the first,recognized wife and those kids, goes?

 A man that can provide for both (or more) is rare(without the wives working,cuz if she works,thats cheating,lol,he’s getting help)…add having to be fair with them in the pot,add the wives being able to coexist with the knowledge of one another,add kids,add time,add love,add women’s emotions…can MOST men handle this? I think not. But its MOST men that are wanting to and practising polygny…. in countries that dont recognize these unions!

* To my readers:Dont take this personal.Its not directed to anyONE in particular this is not just for one person,this is for all of us.Including MYSELF.

I didnt become a muslim to make friends.I became a muslim because I believe in Allah alone having no partners and I believe that Muhammed(sallallau alaihi wa salaam) as being the seal of the messengers.I think as musims we can all agree on that right? Or is there some kind of controversy on that too?

I decided to start a blog because my eeman was low and I wanted to record my thoughts feelings on everything,from how I look at things in life to islam,as well,so that in time I could look back and see the progress or lack thereof.I also started my blog because I did want to make muslimah friends,the community here is something else and everyone is doing their own things.There are no events or anything here whatsoever .Whats wrong with trying to make a  couple sister friends online? I dont have sister friends that live around me,the closest one being about 30-40 minutes away,and we dont talk all the time anyway.

When I first became a muslimah,being the naive one that I can be,I thought it was going to be easy making sister friends,afterall we are supposed to be one unit.One body.When one part of the body catches fever the rest feels it too…something to that effect,im paraphrasing excuse me….instead I started seeing a whole lot of two facedness,excluding of certain sisters and a whole lotta mess.Then to come onto the blogosphere and see the same….it really …sucks.

Becasue this is a blog,and not a place where we can see each other when we talk or meet each other to know each other’s mannerisms,things tend to get out of hand and blown WAAy out of proportion. All of a sudden im a 2faced,up-to-no-good,not really who I say I am,holier than thou,paranoid,cant be trusted,fitnah-making sister.Like I cant make mistakes.Like im the only one that jumps to conclusions about things that I read or get upset when someone writes things about me.Am I the only one that gets upset when someone writes about them? I dont think so…take a look around….

We insult each other,make underhanded comments to each other(no one on here is slow,are they?)gang up on each other,make fun of each other and do all kinds of craziness to each other-then we have the nerve to try to be the innocent muslimah…I include myself in this,ALWAYS,just like evryone of you should too,because we are all to blame.The easiest thing in the world is to get angry and let itall go.That’s easy.Let’s try composing ourselves when s#! gets tough. Wasnt it the prophet Muhammed(peace be upon him) that said the strongest of us is not the one who looses control of his anger,but the one who can surpress it?(paraphrasing again,sorry,excuse me).

Again this isnt directed to any ONE specific person.This is me writing to ALL my sisters,becasue we ALL do this.There’s bound to be someone to take this the wrong way and say that im speaking to them specifically …..sigh…..BUT IM NOT. I just wonder why we are like this with each other.The whispers of shaytaan? jealousy? Hatred? Misundersatndings? Confusion? Ignorance? Or are we just  PMSing?

Im too naive.I think that if I apologize to someone for hurting them,that it should be accepted and then we should be  able to give each other our rights(like in “real”life)and move on and vice versa.Maybe some people are more forgiving than others.To ply devil’s advocate,I know in real life sometimes its hard to accept someones apology and continue on because you know that person.But this is a damn blog.Or maybe thats what makes it hard,because that cyber person continues their hurting because they dont know you? Either way,hurt feelings are hurt feeling..Someone once said to me, that we all dont know each other,so why  take things too personal.Its hard to interact with someone online and not know how that person’s sense of humor or mannerisms or how they say things- really is.

Is there a real solution to what happens between sisters? How do we implement the correct version of sisterhood in islam? Is it even possible,is it too late? Are we building our house on sand?

Maybe my way of thinking is way too naive… so cumebaya and hunky dory.

Am I a feminist?

I grew up with a father who verbally,mentally,emotionally and physically abused my mother.And you know if he treated her like that that I was getting treated like that too. It wasnt until later on in my late teens that I started acting out from the pain and the memories of what I had seen and gone through. The resentment towards my father is deep and painful.It also has contributed to many problems with dealing with H;it affects my marriage and im trying to deaL with that and not let it become an integral part of me …. He hasnt lifted a finger to her since those days, but his mouth is still the same. I get so angry with my mother sometimes.I dont get how she can take this….

Allah orders us to be devoutly obedient to our husbands and obey them in that which is halaal.So that means  do whatever they say as long as they dont ask you to commit a sin.I have an extremely hard time just going along with any and everything Mr.Muslim says. Im not a “yes,dear” kind of gal. Just think bubbly 50’s house/stepford wife.

When I became muslimah, I kept running into all these books that emphasised the obedience of the wife to her husband.Being that im naturally a bit rebellious and feisty,I was having a hard time accepting all the “rules” that the women in islam must follow;with regards to being married and otherwise. Just being a woman. All these permission slips that Im told have  get from my husband,if I want to fast(optional fasting),go outside,work….

from abu Hurairah,The messenger of Allah(saws) said:It is not permissible for the woman to fast while her husband is present,unless she has his permission and she must not allow anyone into his house unless she has his permission….Bukhari & Muslim

All these books by diffrent scholars regulating what women cant and shouldnt do,I understand that some of them may have our “best interest” in mind but at times its like they want to put women under ball and chain with her husband, being the one that has the only key.If I were to go by some of these books id be sitting at home,with no ”secular” education, popping babies,not allowed to go outside without a chaperone,cooking cleaning taking care of kids,listening to quran all day,while fixing a three course meal for hubby,running his bath water and breastfeeding-at the same time,getting primped and ready for hubby  waiting for him in a racy red negligee(sp?)with a big welcoming smile,while having all 6 kids sleeping and in bed by the time he came home,be willing,ready and able to “be available” for mindblowing,out of this world sex….and not complaing once,about anything…..ahhhhhhh….now that’s a good muslimah…….

But thats not reality and I dont know why women are held to ridicoulsly high standards by some muslim men.Maybe some sistes are able to do all this in one day-everyday.I know that in the end they’re sacrificing themselves a whole lot and spreading themselves pretty thin.In today’s world,i think its best to use good judgement and common sense with alot of these “rules” that are in place for muslimahs.Nowadays,most women have to work in order for a household to be working efficiently.If you’re lucky you’re H has a pretty decent job-you dont have to work, maybe you dont want to.In the begining I didnt.There’s also the sad fact, that most marriages about half,muslim or not,end in divorce OR in polygny,which alot of sisters dont like(at leastfor themselves,or so  they say…)  

Im proud to say that Mr.Muslim is no caveman     He helps me with housework and he does help with the baby,  he knows better than to think im at his beck and call…I am not a servant,im his wife…

Now,I hope no one gets silly on me, and says that  im calling for sisters not to be dutiful to their men or that we shouldnt do things for them out of kindness and respect,because of course we should! Nor am I calling for sisters to get together and march down to their local masjid(without a marahm!   )and burn their hijabs in defiance…. Im just saying its a two way street,one hand washes the other….

 

Ive been soo busy ya’ll. I havent had time to be too consistent with my blog lately.

* Ive been trying to get myself into school and what a process it has been! Ihad no idea I had to  do so much…its also taken a little longer  because whenever I need to go to the school to fill something out or talk to someone,I have to tell Mr.Muslim to take a half a day off from work so I can handle my bizzness.I still have a few things more I have to do…which means more time off that has to be taken by Mr.M,so he can watch the baby…unless I take him with me…can I? Should I? Hmmm…I dont know….

Im also torn about what I want to go to school for! At first it was Nursing,  which I still would like to get into…but there’s other things that are peaking my interest….lab technologist….radiology  …..mostly healthcare….ive even thought about teaching  …dont know how well that would work out considering how shy I can be..im not too crazy about it either….

 

* We went to The Bronx Zoo today,and we just got back alittle while ago, after I got us lost! One wrong turn I took, and I ended up in west bubble…..I was so frustrated….I was tired and hot and the last thing I wanted to do was be lost…it wasnt too too bad though,just a minor 40 minute setback…lol….other than that,we had a really nice time there…I hadnt been there in so long,I had forgotten how big the bronx zoo was.In my mind, I pictured it much different.

It was jam packed,being that its the day before memorial day. It was a really nice day today in New York.It was a comfortable 75 degrees today with plenty of sunshine, but walking around so much and standing in the sun at times made it seem much hotter  The main reason we went was for the baby,and he didnt even pay any mind to the animals! Lol…he was more interested in what people were doing around him than anything else,masha’allah. Overall it was nice to get out and do some much needed walking.

*My son is starting his pickyness again. A few weeks ago he wasnt eating all that great,I took him to the doctors several times,all she told me was ” be patient they do that sometimes”….but its hard to just patiently wait out your child not eating.I make him  things all day trying to get him to eat,Im practically running behind him all day with spoon in hand, trying to get him to take a bite,he just doesnt want it! It is so frustrating!  

*Ive also been getting back into my womens health mags, that I suscribed to along time ago and am several issues behind, in reading. Im mainly looking at them because I want to start working out-again. I had started about a year ago,then lost touch with it,now I want to give it a go again. Yoga looks really interesting  I wonder if ill be able to dedicate myself to it.I tried some of the poses and was so surprised on how difficult they are! They look so easy. Its not about loosing weight with me,because i really dont need to at all.(Just a little bragging, hehe) I just need to work out the belly pooch,from being pregnant…..a year…..and a half ago! lol…and just tone everything up…the question is will I be able to stay dedicated and focused on it….Im thinking aerobics…  maybe getting a workout video and see how I like that……or maybe good old fashioned   ,  ,    ,  excercise…………

When I was 5 or 6 years old,my father started attending this church,down the street from where we lived.A couple years later my mom and I also started going to this congregation.It was only when I had turned about 15 or 16 years old that I had decided that I no longer wanted to go anymore.Naturally, my parents being devoted to this religion(messianic judaism) they were very upset that I was refusing to go.I was sick of seeing these “religious” people saying it wasnt okay to do xy and z and doing it themselves or turning a blind eye to when their family members getting involved with things they shouldnt have.(They’re almost all related at this congregation,with only a few memebers of the congregation,like my family,not being their relatives).Then they’re was all the gossip and slander(of course years later,when I became muslimah,I learned that its the same with the muslims!) and just not feeling connected in any way to what I  believed anymore;it didnt make sense. In the beginning it was hard for them to accept it,but in time they did, and moved on. Now with me being muslim,they hate it and my father tries to call me to the “straight path” and to”leave the works of the devil”.(It sounds different when he says it in spanish,pretty much this is the jist to what he says)..But ANYWAY…..

Now that I have a son,I wonder sometimes how I would feel if my son when he got older, told us that he no longer wanted to be a muslim.(May Allah protect him from that-Ameen) How would I feel? Would I accept it? Would I denounce his decision?

There is no doubt that I would still love him and cherish him as my son. I always will,insha’allah.But I would not accept it-at all.I would be devastated and hurt.I cant imagine how his father would feel….

There’s a major difference between what my parents(more specifically:my father) does to me and how I would feel if this was to ever occur.The major difference being that Islam is The Truth!  What my parents believe is falsehood and they follow their desires,not the truth.If they did they would be praising Allah and NOT JESUS.Taking jesus as God and making what Allah has not allowed permissible and what he has forbidden to be allowed.They dont believe there is only ONE God.They think that he has a son.That  is the main difference.

I wonder if this only happens when the child is not being brought up with a good islamic understanding? Or is it,where one lives and the influences that are around this child(whether its the parents or peers) that make someone’s belief to diminsh? Do you know anyone who has apostated from islam and what reasons made them do that?

 

Why cant I find contentment with where I am in life? Right now? Why do I always look at those who are better off than me or who’s faith appears to be higher than mine? Then I beat myself up for mistakes made in the past and for not being a better or good muslimah…

Why cant I be patient and have faith that Allah will come to my aid and help me-he always comes through right on time-why cant I be patient? Sometimes I feel like the girl that was in charlie and the chocolate factory: I want it now….

I must put in the work in order to enjoy the fruits of my labor..I give up easily…I get put off…I get discouraged…when I dont see any improvement.I have to work to get my spiritual self to be better,and I try…but  I have to keep going even when I feel like giving up….I listen to the whispers of shaytan….his whispers that I Know will only lead me astray…why do I listen to them….

Its my fault that I am where I am…at  least in the view of others…why do I care what they think?! …lol..I dont and I cant…noone is perfect…we all sin….we all listen to whispers…maybe because I talk about the “taboo” or my feelings,….my posts arent usually happy go lucky;its not the most positive blog out there,but too bad.. ..while others pretend to live such a happy muslim life…masha’allah,alhamdulillah im so happy on my blog,lol…but really im not…im struggling just like everyone else…thoughts of a “good” muslimah…..lol……

Im not miserable…im unhappy at times,yes…but I think my expectations are too high……  I want to do more than I can do…I need to learn to TAKE IT EASY…..it was the turtle that won the race…..

So many examples of successful muslimahs that are doing well in their spiritual lives as well as in their careers…sisters that started doing things later than  the average person…they are successful now…they had patience…they worked hard…they overcame tough circumstances to become beautiful flowers…if they can do it…so can I…..I beat myself up too much….I need to stop….we women can be so hard on ourselves…..Im a mother ,a wife, ,a daughter, a sister…im accomplishing more than I think….but I dont feel it at times because im “supposed” to be doing this and this and that……

I gotta forget about other’s expectations…its my own that are the only ones that count………..maybe I cant have my master’s by age 30….Ill get it eventually…im not wearing hijab right now..but in time I will ,insha’allah…..my eeman is low..if I keep working on it WITHOUT giving up..in time it will rise and start to become more level… all I can do is try….and KEEP trying…