Posted by: Miss Muslimah | March 24, 2008

Love,Marriage And Sex….In Islam

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What is love?

Better yet what does islam say about love between the spouses?

Is “muslim love”different? Does it mean a different thing from say,what non-muslims believe love is?

Most “western” raised girls are brought up with fairytales.Fairytale love.Prince charming comes along and rescues the poor damsel in distress and they ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after….is it wrong for me as a muslimah to believe that? To have the expectation that a man is all I need to make me happy,that he will be my rock in hard times,he will love me unconditionally and not betray me?

What about marriage,what makes a marriage last? How do you make living with another person,that you may not know too well or not know at all, work?Is it wrong to date?(if its supervised and the two intended to be married are never left to be alone together)….

Can sex make or break a marriage?By that I mean,if I as a muslimah, refuse my husband for 3 nights in a row because I am a mother and am tired by the end of the day,does that give him the right to divorce me? Say we have a good sexual relationship,does that open doors for him to take on another wife?

I can say that when I first learned that as a muslimah,my husband had special rights as far as sex goes…I was a little disturbed.Special rights in that if he demanded it then I had to obediently oblige.Unless I was sick or on my menses….what about if I just plain ol’ dont feel like it?

Then when I read the hadith about women being cursed by the angels for refusing their husbands and Allah being angry with me,again I was disturbed…..Is sex that important?I dont know what the explanantion of that hadith is but….lots of times I see mixed messages about love,marriage and sex in islam….often times I feel like we are highly respected in islam,other times…I dont know what to feel….like the hadith where(and im parapharsing here,maybe someones heard about this hadith)something about women licking the bloody,pus wounds of men?! or if anyone was to prostrate to anyone on earth(if it was permissible)the woman would have to bow down to men?(maybe someone can give explanations on what they really mean)………

Should I ignore those hadiths and assume they were misinterprated by men? The islam I know is so contradictory to some things that I read and I just make the assumption that Allah would never want women, who are the wombs that carry children,who birth them,nurse them,and at whose feet our childrens paradise lies,to be treated in a manner that takes away our dignity.

Love,marriage and sex in islam..what do you have to say about it?

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Responses

Dear Sis,

I havent got any different answers and questions as you, I have read a hadith where our prophet S.A.S said that If prostation would have been allowed to anyone other than Allah, then a women can prostate before her husband. This is a authentic hadith, and i dont think Men interprated it accordingly.
Islam certainly gives more rights to a Man compared to a Woman, I too feel disturbed about the fact that We woman arent allowed to deny sex when our husband asks us to, But sweety, Thats the way it is.We cannot and arent supposed to question what Allah made/sent for us, are we ?

May Allah help every woman in this world.Ameen

By: Maryam on March 24, 2008
at 6:30 pm

As Salaamu Alaikum Sis:

A decent Muslim husband wouldn’t treat his wife like a blow-up doll.

By the way, the wife has the same sexual rights over the husband.

One of the purposes of marriage in Islam is for “protection of the private parts”; both spouses have the obligation to satisfy each other in order to avoid sin.

Masha Allah for another good post, sis. Your writing is so thoughtful.

By: Safiyyah on March 25, 2008
at 4:54 am

Ummm…..patiently waiting for a response from some of the married muslimahs………lol

By: TheAngryMuslimah on March 25, 2008
at 5:47 am

Good post sis, I have not commented on your blog but I am a secret admirer. I have to say I inquire the same things you do. I don’t understand why woman are treated like sex incubators. To be honest sis I don’t believe all hadiths. most of them are fabricated by men so their authencity is questionable. Anyhow, what I think that hadith you mentioned about the angels meant on the intentions of a women. If a women does not allow her husband to have sex with her in the intentions of being mean or frustrating him then yes. I mean what if a woman wants sex and the husband does not want to are the angels going to curse them? lol. No of course there is not mention of this. why because just what happend to the jews and the christians, humans started to incorporate their beliefs and their desires into the laws of God to benefit their desires. So yeah, this fact angers me. It took me a while to wear hijab because I thought that men wanted me to wear it so that they could feel as if we were their property and so on. Alhamdulilah I wear it as a reminder of who I am not for the sake of men because if you ask me I could careless. I don’t believe i was made to hold the burden of men’s desires. Salam, I hope I did not go off tangent I am bit sleepy.

By: yasmine on March 25, 2008
at 8:15 am

Assalamu alaikum Sisters:

Maryam:my sister,theres nothing wrong with discussion,at least I dont think so.Thats what im trying to do here.I thought it would be interesting to hear other’s views on what makes marriage work,their definition of love and so on……

Safiyyah:Women do have the same sexual rights BUT if my husband refuses me I cant whip out the angels cursing me hadith..lol…I just have to bear it..lol..thank you sis for your compliment :)

Angry:me too, lol

Yasmine:Sis,you have commented here before!LOL,masha’allah…
Some hadiths,like the the ones Ive mentioned, are brow raisers and I hate that some of these hadiths are used to control or demean women….but I refuse to believe that these hadiths are not fabricated..some are just cruel….

Sisters(and bro’s)I still want to know what you think love means,what makes marriage work!…….

By: Miss Muslimah on March 25, 2008
at 3:17 pm

I’m seeing a theme here by most of the unmarried muslimahs who are reading about the Poly gone wrongs and of other bad things that happen to sisters in Islma and are looking to the hadiths for answers and are coming up with the same old used ones that have been used for centuries some in right context and some not. Really we should be loking at the poeple. Men are doing haram things to their wives no matter what the texts say.
Qur’an says we are comfortors of each other and marriage is to protect the sex. No life isn’t about sex but it certainly does drive the minds of most men. We have marraige to find someon we love and who we can be with (I’m a romance writer here and read those books constantly and am a firm believer in LOVE)
The whole angel thing is because if a woman forsakes her hubby and makes him angry then he might want to go and cheat (with his eyes,ears, body parts) and that is bad for the marriage. But the same applies to the women too. Usually in the Qur’an it states Men but is used as mankind. SO it means women too. We have the right to get ours too.
Don’t concentrate on the hadith that poeple always roll around just work on finding a good brother who you can easily talk to and who you can love. Ask him about his past so you can find out about what he prefers in a wife (or be brave and be direct and honest).
Marriage can be beautiful and I think so many blogs baout GONE WRONGS are scaring the muslimahs and some brothers from the blissfullness of marriage. Allah doesn’t give us marriage for it to be harmful but to benefit society. That’s why it’s discouraged to divorce not because to torture people but to keep the society stable.
I love the fact that I can go and talk to my husband when i want about anything i want and we can do what we want without problems that come if we weren’t married. SubhanAllah.
Please sisters don’t take the view that marriage is bad and muslim men are bad you jsut gotta be choosy to find the guy who was raised right and has open eyes to the goodness of women that Allah gave us. Paradise is at the feet of us mothers because we love so deeply and care so selflessly and masha’Allah for that.
Oops almost forgot the prostration thing is a whole IF issue anyways because we dont prostrate to people. We are just supposed to be thankful that we have the option to lean on our husbands and let them take care of us so we have free time to do what most of us love to do which is take care fo our families. I’m glad my hubby has to pay for my everything and I just take care of the family which is what I would do anyways even if i had to work too because that is how Allah made us…caring. So don’t over analyze things poeple and just enjoy the beauty that Allah put between us. Bless you all.

By: AmericanMuslimaWriter on March 25, 2008
at 3:49 pm

Hmm..I didnt think that the only thing that would be focused on were the two hadiths that I wrote about….i thought we would concentrate more on the other things I was asking about.I guess not,masha’allah…..

By: Miss Muslimah on March 25, 2008
at 4:38 pm

ok i will talk the other things….

I do think that Muslims tend to view love a little differently, more about who does what role in marriage and through hadiths we learn what are places are in a marriage and how to behave.

My favorite disney film was Little Mermaid where she falls in love with the prince but has to make sacrifices to enter his world and win his heart “Go on and kiss da girl….” Eventaully he loves her and they are happy when able to overcome the differences keeping them apart. Hmm what does this sound like now….oh yes my marriage to an Arab….. this is all well and good for a begining but how to keep up that passion long after that initial love is put through the wringer?
By going to the hadiths and seeing what is the role of each spouse and trying your best to do what is right for the two of you for we have to rmeber not only is this life short and our goals is Jannah but we want to be with our spouses in Jannah for eternity. SO we have to do our best to be good to one another AND take care of each other’s deen. Keeping the marriage fresh through dating each other(after your married i mean) and remebering the initial love you had helps keep things going, and when a man is satisfied all around he’s certainly not thinking to have more problems of women it’s usually through arguments or problmes like infirtility that a man chooses to take another. Now naturally we can’t never argue with the spouse but having rules liek don’t go to bed angry at each other helps. You have to really make sure your communication is open and both have to realize that you are there to please the other person (men need to know this too) and you must think constantly how can I please him and he must think how can I please her. Through this you learn mutual respect and make your love deepen and grow.
By the way I learned this the hard way through my marriage councelor when trying and suceeding to bring my marriage back from the brink of divorce so there is always hope for improvement as long as both want to try.
Good post dear.

By: AmericanMuslimaWriter on March 25, 2008
at 10:12 pm

oh I did respond prior to my “first comment” wow, talk about long term memory. anyhow, I might not be married but I know enough about marriage to know what its about. I don’t believe in this fary tale love, bla bla bla. I want a real muslim not a lovy dubby husband. Because that lovy dubby husband can still betray me, abuse me, marry another women for sex (even if he has enought at home. lol). I want one that fears Allah for reals. I don’t mean those guys that call everything haram and abuse women because if you ask me I don’t really consider them real muslims (thats just my opinion and no I am not calling them kafirs). a muslim is one who SUBMITS to Allah (swt) not his own pride, arrogance and so forth.

so what is love? this I don’t know but I can tell you what it consists of. I don’t think anyone knows the answer to this. Its called philosophy (one of my majors) I think its care and respect plus attraction, yes attraction. I don’t think I would marry someone I am not attracted to. so even if its seems shallow one has to appear attractive to each other. why do you think women need to beautify themselves for their husbands? to keep this chemical “burning.” its all in our heads really.

I remember once when I was young, probably 12 years old someone told me this guy liked me and well I did not. the more they told I began to like him. it was so weird. anyhow I ended up having a crush on him too. so its like mutual stuff. one has to keep feeding this chemical reaction. man I am so sidetracked. sorry. lol.

By: yasmine on March 26, 2008
at 5:13 am

Assalaamu alaikum ladies:

AMW: Im glad to hear that your marriage survived after having been so close to divorce.I know its possible,just takes alot of work on both parts..sigh…..

Yas: That is so true!lol the same thing happened to me(back in the day,of course,lol)…

By: Miss Muslimah on March 26, 2008
at 3:39 pm

Hm.. I’m not sure what to say. The one about licking the wounds I don’t think is authentic, I would be seriously disturbed if it was. As for the one about prostrating to the husband, I can tell you that in my life and respect for my husband I would bow to him if it were possible. But I wouldn’t want to do it if he wasn’t an amazing husband (alhumdulillah) and if he didn’t treat me with love and respect as well. He does, alhumdulillah.

I don’t think a marriage would last if there was not mutual respect, if I didn’t respect my husband I couldn’t submit to him, and if he didn’t respect me he would not treat me well.

Love=Respect, attraction, SEX, and communication.

Sex is as important to women, I believe, as it is for men. And women have the right to divorce her husband if he does not satisfy her. But this isn’t taught to us because maybe we would take it more often than men would want us to.

I don’t know if I’m making sense. I do have issues with a lot of things in Islam, not with the religion itself but with the way it is interpreted.

By: molly on March 26, 2008
at 10:23 pm

Unfortunately, those of us who dont understand arabic, are at the mercy of translations, and indeed things do get lost. The Quran I have, clearly states that is is a translation of the MEANING of the holy Quran (thanks to hubby for pointing that out to me- it was an epiphany). I frequently found myself angry or skeptical of religious text I felt was sexist or biased. it still happens, but then I remember that someone, someplace else, from another society or culture translated, and the translator being human, allbeit knowledgeable, is not perfect and probably not able to be objective.

Being a revert to Islam, and having lived another lifestyle prior to embracing our perfect religion, I have made two observations: in western culture, love comes beofre marriage, and in Islam, marriage comes first, and you hope love follows.

Its just the way it is folks. AMW is so right about having mutual respect for your spouse. I have witnessed a handful or marriages gone sour, because either the husband or the wife, had expectations of their spouse, rooted in a very literal and puritanical interpretation of the deen itself. Please note: I found that the wife got the short end of the stick, more often than the husband :( Is it because we live in a man’s world? I just dont have an answer. I can only say that if I had not been married once before, western-christian style, I dont know if my current marriage would be as successful as it is. My past mistakes and experiences in love, have no doubt taught me volumes, and help me bridge the cultural differences with my husband (Arab, from North Africa). I have learned so much from him too….., and can appreciate his ability to carry out the practical funtion of a marriage, without initially being clouded by hearts popping and thunderbolts. With patience, open dialogue and plenty of time alone after marriage, we managed to really build a solid and loving foundation. I hope inshaallah, with the help of Allah and our families, that we stay on this path.I believe a couple with the best intentions can make a marriage work, but both parties have to be willing. If one is not, then he/she maybe does not have a healthy fear of Allah, or is weak and uses contorversial religious text as a crutch.

Sorry for rambling. Excellent subejct for post, J

Assalamu alaykum,

iMuslimah

By: iMuslimah on March 27, 2008
at 7:03 am

Salamu alaykum…
very interesting blog!lol…
Imuslimah, u are very right…I agree with the fact that in the non islamic world,love comes before marriage, while in Islam, its the other way round.
I am a married Muslimah, and i cant say that i have such a great emotional connection with my husband….no i dnt! but one thing is for sure, i adore him because he loves me and treats me like a muslimah!. I was in jahiliyah and i have fallen in love and was heart broken, so i for sure know how a woman can be treated like dirt!..I know the difference now and i appreciate my husband!… I married him cause he feared Allah! Our foundation is sound deen, my hubby doesnt expect heaven n earth, infact i am the one that offers myself to him every day..cause he his fearful about the hadith of bin cursed, if he asks n i say No which i wouldn’t.
I also do my duties as a wife and respect my husband greatly. I pray the whoaa…emotional feeling wuld follow cause i would love to be all lovey dovey with him and act like i cant get enuff of him..lol… cause at the moment, i am jus a normal muslim wife with responsibility to fulfil.

As for the hadiths, some are authentic, some arent! most in Bukhari are…. listen muslimahs, if u dnt agree with one hadith, then research and ask scholars! no point writing on the blog about ur doubts, cause by the time u finish u wuld have lead many women to question it and some not to believe in something Allah tala Has commanded us to believe……Ya’ll dont wanna be responsible for leading people astray??????…… so if u dnt believe in some, keep it to ursef and talk about it with ur husbands or amongst ur frens via email…

Anyways, the hadith about the wound, lol…i have no comment, but i am sure its just tryna let u know how important ur husband is and much much u shud respect n obey him… it doesnt literally mean u shud lick it..lol..its dirty and Islam is a religion of purity and cleanliness.

Marry for the Sake of Allah! and everything you do in ur marriage shud be to please Allah..be hopeful that u will get rewarded for every effort you do and your husband is answerable to Allah tala.
Choose a man that is Allah Fearing…. not someone xtreme, ie everything is haram.
my 2cent. ( pardon my english)

By: Kawthar on April 6, 2008
at 12:19 pm

I’m not sure why some Muslims (and specifically Muslimahs) are so fearful of others (like littlemissmuslim and myself) expressing our thoughts, fears, emotions and struggles. Kawthar, this is a personal blog — no need to lay the guilt trip on anyone for raising questions. Do you think Allah does not understand the nature of thinking women and only loves the Stepford automatons who are always so quick to shut down any discussion that doesn’t toe the party line?

I’m glad you are happy in your marriage; insha’Allah over time it will come to mean more than just doing your “duty” and appreciating someone “taking care” of you. But for those who want more — and do so within the bounds of Islam — please try not to judge.

So if you don’t believe in some of what you read, either keep it to yourself or discuss it openly, rather than try to muzzle your sisters.

Salaam Alikum.

By: peacefulmuslimah on April 8, 2008
at 9:44 am

Assalamu alaykum, I
hope you are in the best of health. I am currently facing a lot of hardships within my marriage. My husband was ill 3 years ago, he had a brain tumour! I love him and supported him throughout that difficult time. he has pulled through now, but he is not back to complete normality.
I am currently faced with a life without much sexual pleasure and no kids. I do love him and he loves me……..but I sometimes think I can’t go on. I feel as if I am sinking into depression. I remind myself of all the good things in my life . I am a god fearing muslimah and would never commit a sin. but of lately I desire other men. I don’t know what to do. I try and be patient but its been three years. what do you think?

By: sabah on April 8, 2008
at 10:08 am

Sis,Sabah….masha’allah……………you can send me an email and we could talk that way insha’allah…if you want to……………..

By: Miss Muslimah on April 8, 2008
at 1:43 pm

Pm: love the response….couldnt have said it btter myself..and thats why i didnt respond,lol…but thats what I have you for! (wink) you’re so good with comebacks…

By: Miss Muslimah on April 8, 2008
at 1:58 pm

First of all ……its a lovely blog and the topics u post are so good , one can relate with thr own daily lives, as for this post I dunno I maybe wrong, but I think its not wrong at all if a women says no for sex to her husband just becoz she doesnt feel like, there maybe a few hadiths contracting my thinking, but I feel there would have been some background as to why those hadiths were said.

By: Fatima on April 10, 2008
at 10:31 am

I love the topic, it’s a good one. And I am a new reader… So let me say I like your blog in general ;)

Now, about the Islam and sex thing… Well let me give you a few things to consider on the topic, I am thinking I might even do my own post about it!LOL

1) Equal and the same are different ideas. You see this in Islam. I think women and men both “equal” right to have their spouse “available” to them at all times. That just means something different for men. In other words… The MAN being available is more often a given. I mean what guy do you know would turn to a his wife and say, “No honey, I’d rather not have hot sex right now… It’s been a long day.”LOL And if we are HONEST with ourselves submitting to an interested husband isn’t really so bad, is it?

2) Men are the sexual aggressors (generally speaking) and that means taking hungry men out of the population is good for society as a whole. Why would a guy who just had a full meal stop off at Burger King once he left the house? And continuing the food analogy why would you go shopping for food if you knew your fridge at home was full? Can you see where I am going with this?

3) Men can’t give ummmm, “command performances” anyway… They have to be interested to start with, so what would be the point in ordering them in this situation?

4) Women (generally speaking) have a lower drive anyway… And for us sex can easily be put aside for other obligations. I think (and I know I’m just a girl talking from what I know here) men have more trouble doing this. For them it’s like trying to focus on reading your homework when you are tired… Your mind just keeps drifting.

Now I am not excusing men for being big horn-dogs… I think they have an obligation to have some self control… But I guess I put the whole sex thing into the category of “work” that all women do for their families. And I know it’s not always like that, sometimes (insha’Allah most of the time) we want it too. But stick with me here: We may not always feel like making dinner or cleaning the house but we know we have to do it because we are filling a need that no one else can. Try to look at it like that. If the hadith was about you must change your feed your husband…. Would that bother you?

OK, irreverence aside… I hope I make a little bit of sense here ;)

And next time your DH comes to you all fired up and you look at your spit-up stained shirt and start thinking about your tired back and how you just got to lay down after an exhausting day… Say, “Mahsa’Allah, I have been married for (insert number of years here) and my husband still thinks I’m hot… Spit-up stains and all.” And enjoy.**big wink**

By: UmmLayla on April 17, 2008
at 3:38 am

hehe you gave me a good laugh..love the food analogies!
Glad you like the blog :D

By: Miss Muslimah on April 17, 2008
at 1:39 pm

Subhanallah..

Great post, sis… Erm,, sorry cant give comment, i’ve just read the discussion above and it is interested!

My knowledges going expanded… So I thanked for it ;)

By: Gilang Ramadhan on May 14, 2008
at 8:21 am

Assalam Alaikum….great topic and good answers, I think we must respect eachothers opinions, Im reverted muslimah too, Im not married yet lol …but I think about marriage a lot lol… I think it is such an important decision, we want to marry just one man and we dont even want to think on the possibility of a divorce ’cause that will be so hard…well, now giving my opinion, as a reverted muslimah and in the way we have been raised in non-muslim backgrounds, is not easy to understand everything and accept it just like that, we have a mind to use and to think and I think that’s good ’cause it helps us to understand better our Dinn (religion) which is a whole way of life, it helps me a lot to see to my past experiences before embracing Islam, how I made some mistakes and things I regret so much that I think I wouldn’t have commited if I would have known Islam before…once a friend told me that the difference between Islam and other religions is that all religions might teach you to be a good person but Only Islam tells you to do good actions and also tells you how to avoid to do bad actions, so refering to why the wife shouldnt refuse to have sex with her husband, I think it looks to prevent the wife and husband to commit adultery which is such a big sin as we know…of course on the other hand this does not mean the wife must be like the object in which the husband pleases his sexual needs, its very clear in other haddith that the best of the believers are those who give good treatment to their wives, so a good muslim would care about how her wife feels and her reasons for not having sex in certain ocasions like when she is very very tired as well it applies in reverse…ok, now some can think:how to know this man will care about you specially in this matter before marrying him?…well, there is something that can give you clues, and this I will say it not only as a muslim and a woman, but also as a family counselling student…we must know about the man and his background, to see the way he treats the women at his family, the way he talks about women in general, to ask him about what are his expectations of marriage and of a wife…and I would like to repeat this key word EXPECTATIONS (I hope I wrote it right in english lol my first language is spanish), when the man we are looking for husband has different expectations from ours, then marriage is not gonna work, I hear a lot of times in my society about people who say: “I didnt got my expectations fullfill with my husband/wife” in non-muslim societies like mine: Ecuador, couples dont even talk about what they expect from marriage, they have this idea that only LOVE is necessary but that’s not like it will work, LOVE is not something magic that will make things to work just like that, there is much more than LOVE in a relationship…don’t take me wrong, Im not against love lol I fall in love while I was a teenager before embracing Islam…my point is, I see most of marriages in society I live in which is non-muslim, they are christians, they get married ’cause they feel so in love with eachother, then after some months or years, love is gone and then they dont see more reasons for staying marriage, except kids when they had them…so what that’s this showes to me…LOVE is not enought, it is important but let’s be honest, if you first “Love” a person then you only see the good part and dont want to think on the bad part, in Islam, as I see it, we are called to married with a religious person, so it doesnt mean only a muslim, but a good muslim, a practicing muslim, not an extremist, coz Allah doesnt like extremist people, so as I reverted muslimah this is the first I look in a man, he must be a good muslim, I see the way he carries out his muslim duties…then of course I start to see the way he behaves, the way he talks, what he likes, what he doesn’t like, what are his thoughts, what is like his attitude, the way he is with his family, if he cares about me, about what I think, about what I talk, I see the way he sees woman in general and treats them, his dreams, his expectations about marriage,wife, kids,family, work, etc…and of course, as a reverted it is important for me to see a good muslim man who is tolerant and understanding since my whole family is non-muslim so it is important for me he respects them and doesn’t act like judging them ’cause of being non-muslims…and if u find all this u are looking, there is many possibilities the marriage will be lasting, of course we must not forget the attraction as a sister previously say, it is important too since this is the man u will share ur bed, and attraction doesn’t mean to marry a handsome guy, attraction is felt when you know this person and ’cause of the way he is u feel atraction…and now LOVE, when u find all this, LOVE comes eventually inshAllah, it is said we can’t love what we don’t know, and this is truth, so after knowing all this about the future husband, u might find many reasons for loving him and little by little the feeling starts growing in the heart inshAllah…this has more logic and sense for me that those marriages who are made only for “LOVE”, just look around, those people once the “LOVE” is gone, just quit marriage ’cause once the emotion is gone they start knowing who they married and now they start seeing the bad parts and how many things they dont agree, so they start only with “LOVE” and only “LOVE” is certainly not enought…but if you first know the person and you like the way this person things and acts, even with his defects, ’cause is not like you will find a perfect husband, that’s not real lol …don’t look perfection ’cause then you won’t find anyone, but look a person who has all the qualities I meantioned before and which expectations are similars to yours so you both will have the same goal and will work for that goal together as muslim, as wife and husband, as parents…it happens to me I already found a good muslim who fulfills all my expectations, at begining I didnt like him, I see him just as a friend, but the more I know him, little by little I start to feel atract and little by little I got the feeling, so as I said, Im not against love, but I start using my mind and once my head saw all this expectations in this guy, it was inmediatly that my heart starts bitting lol so for me love is a natural and spontaneous proccess, the more u know him, the more you love this person, with ur mind and heart….just only one prob, this guy doesnt know about my feelings lol I wont tell him anything since I only keep halal talkings with him as it must be in Islam and he is such a good muslim he doesnt ever dear to say something which isn’t halal, so inshAllah I would tell how this story will continue later inshAllah, at this point, I dont know what else to do but keep my feelings in silent lol sorry for writting long, I love writting :P ….May Allah help us all specially when marriage comes since its part of our dinn :D …

By: Asiya Fatimah on May 29, 2008
at 6:51 pm

Bismillah Al Rahman Al Rahim

although i havent been married, but i will never ever force my wife to have sex. and i have heard the hadith of obey and oblige and the curse of th eangels, i do believe it is true but on the other hand i will NOT force. sex is one of the things that will nto be enjoyable with force, it must come willingly. if she refuses i will respect her reasons what they are and if i feel she is refusing alot then i will double check and take her to a psychologist just to check if everything is alright, and same thing goes to me.

sex is a biological need and men and women must understand and respect their diffirences. maybe this reference would help:

http://www.marsvenus.com/

and it is a book that holds the same title, “men are from mars and women are from venus” this book is so so so famous because it has saved thousands of marriages that were on EDGE and were about to divorce. i have read the book and it is very beuatifull. if we read the Quran and such healthy books and work by the prinicples and laws of our religion, we will reach to reason and true happiness.

Walsalam Alayakum Wa Rahmato Allah Wa Barakatoh

Your Brother

Al-Hussain

By: Al-Hussain on May 29, 2008
at 9:02 pm

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